☠ Zombieism Defined ☠

The zombie, contrary to popular belief, is picky. It will, for example, not devour an NLP (Normal, Living Person) if that person is deemed too stupid, such as when the person drools, and moans, and makes jerking insolite movements in an unappetizing fashion (it is of course commonly known that Zombies Moan at a very precise pitch, possible only thanks to the decay of oral tendons). Their favorite foods are those people who resist annihilation and run away screaming. Little do those people realize that as far as they run, they will eventually collapse from exhaustion, at which point the zombies will assume a leizurely pace to reach and devour them. Also, screaming is a very stupid thing to do, and it irritates the zombies greatly. The late professor Relkurgleblahhmoa of Princeton University says: "we zombies have extraordinarily tender earways, so it is only in self-defense that we unnecessarily devour the screamer."
Some Zombies have very particular tastes, like the Oprah-zombie, who only eats people who seek her sympathy on her show, from which she draws future prey. Others will eat from only certain body parts, like Dick Cheney who likes to eat... well, it's pretty straight forward (his first name says it all)
Ghouls
Not to be confused with zombies.
Ghouls are very similar to Zombies. They suck out your brains, skulk in dark alleyways and are undead, but somehow ARE NOT ZOMBIES. "We are Ghouls" they say helpfully, "we suck out your brains, skulk in dark alleyways and are undead, but ARE NOT ZOMBIES. I mean, weire similar in that, erm, well, we suck out your brains, skulk in dark alleyways and are undead, but, you know, we're just...we're...we're just not Zombies, OK?"



http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Zombie